Getting to meet a niece is always a fun experience. I recently got a chance to spend a weekend with Anushree, who now lives in England. Due to the different directions our lives have taken and also the fact I chose to live in a non-English-speaking country, I don’t have much family around me in Europe. So, when Anushree moved from Australia to London, it became easier to connect. I recently got a chance to spend time with her over a weekend and make up for the lost time. I think it’s extraordinary the ease with which we seem to have made up for years of not really knowing each other. Just knowing that family is visiting, energized me thoroughly, and I hope it was the same for her.
So, of course, I was very happy to ask her my questions and read what she had to say about her mother, Shreedevi. I realised by reading this how Anushree was away from her home and parents from a very young age. Being the only child, that must have been hard both on her and her parents.
Q. What are your mom’s best 3 qualities?
“1. She goes the extra mile to nurture relationships. In this age where people are drifting apart, communication is becoming all about texting, she believes in real connection. She carves time for phone calls, and organises catch-up sessions and visits people. For example, she and her school friends talk regularly and they meet up every year over a couple of days to have a grand time.
2. She wears so many hats so effortlessly. A loving mother, a deeply responsible daughter, a caring wife, a thought leader in her industry, and an incredibly dedicated nurse and teacher — she pours her heart into every role she takes on. Whether it’s guiding her students, caring for her patients, or simply being there for someone who needs advice about their health, she always goes above and beyond to help someone achieve better for their health. To me, she feels like several superhumans wrapped into one.
3. She is adventurous, optimistic and always willing to try something new and fun. Whether that be getting into bread making, yoga classes, or even going ocean diving or skydiving, she's always keen on giving something new a go with a positive attitude.”
Q. How do you feel about her now versus maybe 20 yrs ago? Do you remember any irritating habit of your mother that maybe or not has helped you in hindsight?
“20 years ago, I would have been a 16-year-old teenager just about finishing up at boarding school. Being in boarding school in India made it difficult to keep in touch with family as we only had 10 minutes on the phone every Saturday to talk to family. Also, the time difference between India and Oman, where Mummy lived, as well as different weekend days between the two countries made it difficult. I also didn't put in much effort and was carefree wanting to hang out more with my friends. My conversations with mum were short and I hardly had a chance to tell her much about my life and friends.
Also, back when I was a teenager, I used to find my mom quite quick to jump to judgement. She was also strict, and focused deeply on my education. Because of this I found it quite difficult to have conversations about aspects of my generation and teenage experiences with her. I found it challenging to discuss ideas and concepts that were almost normal to me and in my friendship group but would be strange to her.
It's taken a better part of a decade to make amends and now we are much closer. It took me more than a decade to understand that it was because of her upbringing, accountability and responsibilities she carried as the oldest child, and her outlook on what is a perfect trajectory for her only child that probably made her think that way.
And over this time, we have tried to be more open with each other despite being met regularly with resistance from both sides towards the others' viewpoint. This meant we've had many fights when conversations didn't go smoothly, but we kept pushing for deeper levels of communication in our own ways.
And now, 20 years later, we are in a much better place. Still work in progress with occasional arguments, but these take place in a very comfortable safe space.”
Q. What intangible gift would you wish her if you could?
“I would like to give us both the gift of turning back time and being able to spend more time with each other as our younger selves. I know she has made a lot of sacrifices and I can imagine the most difficult one would have been leaving for Oman without me in tow. So, I would like to gift us both more time to spend with each other.
I absolutely love my mother to bits. I share pretty much everything about my life with her. I plan my holidays in a way that I get to see her more often in a year, and I am grateful that we have been able to build a genuine, open and beautiful mother-daughter bond despite all the hardships and sacrifices earlier in our lives.”
What I realise reading these tributes is that everyone who I asked to tell me about their mothers seems grateful to have been asked to sit down and think and express what they feel. I guess no one really does this anymore. While I’m doing this for my family, I think all my readers should try and do this exercise for at least one person they love. It makes us much more in touch with who we are and how we feel. It’s as much about ourselves as about the other person, I guess. We need to be capable of this flow of thought and emotions, sometimes even maybe into places where we are not most comfortable. This moment of reflection is more than a couple of paragraphs; it’s a lifetime of sentiment, feelings and emotions that have evolved and are still maybe evolving.
You may enjoy reading Shreedevi's tribute to her mother Radha here
#mothersday #tributetomom #maman #amma
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