Lekha - Before I knew me - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

 

Oh, it's warm here. All I need to do is sleep, eat and enjoy the state of bliss and perfection that my little world offers. I can hear sounds all the time. The connection I feel with everything that surrounds me is unreal. It's like being in a huge space but existing only here. I find myself cradled, moving with this liquid in which I swim as it makes noises. 

I sense there is a bigger me beyond this pool. We seem to be moving together most of the time. Oh, too much movement! I want my bigger self to be silent. I want to connect. Now seems like a good moment. Now is when I shall be able to reach out somehow. 

I've started to tune into the different sounds my bigger self makes. One voice stands out the most. I like this voice. I try to voice out but nothing. Ok, I moved instead apparently. I can hear a soft 'dahdad' right now. Unsure if it's my own or that of my carrier? I find myself caressed by that soft sound.

I remain in this state,  but now I am starting to find it hard to move about. I'm getting bigger each day. I sense activity outside and try to reach the energies that are pulling me to this outside world. But why do they want me to be with them? I'm good and fine here.

Oh, I can now hear the 'dahdad' really clearly. That sound matches the one inside me. I guess it's some sort of connection to the voice I know the most? But why don't I have a voice yet? Let me move these tiny forms I seem to be connected with. Oh, I felt an obstruction now. And the voice too. That's funny. Let's do that again. Oh, now the voice doesn't sound so pleased.

Strange, strange, I find myself turning upside down. I don't like being with my head downwards, why is this happening? It's impossible to go back to where I was before! Why are things changing? There is hardly any space here anymore. 

My home feels like it's being destroyed! And I'm the one doing it! Well, I don't want to move out. But all this pressure around me is making it hard to do anything else. All I know is that I'm moving downwards and I like and don't like it at the same time. The voice I know seems to really not like my antics too. It's been exhausting for me, yes, but the voice is also sounding like it doesn't approve. 

Oh, now the voice is really cross and very loud and it's making me very uncomfortable. I  really want to be out of here. But, no I don't. But I do, it seems. I feel a strong pull and huge push. I feel cold and these tiny things that I have been squeezing tight suddenly open and allow me to see. I know I'm not swimming now and I suddenly know what it is to be frightened. From somewhere in my being a loud cry comes forth. I feel like I am being moved through the air until at last I feel warm again as something gets put around me and then I find myself lying on my carrier. Yes, that's her, I smell her. How do I know this?! We both are exhausted and we sleep.

A little later, I hear lots of voices. They all seem to be connected to me. I feel a pokey surface brush against me. I hear the words "Cute, small, beautiful , fragile" I hear "I'm your Daddy". I feel a lot of forms touching me. 

A huge cry once again emerges from within me as I feel a strange and primal sensation take over the middle of my being. I will soon learn to recognise it as hunger. I get taken back to the familiar feel and smell of my carrier and I start to search for something. A part of me desperately starts to explore the skin against which I have been placed. I am only satisfied when I feel a hot liquid enter my body. Yes, I now know my connection to this larger body and hear the voice I am so familiar with by now say "Hello, little one, I'm your Amma". This feels so right.

#beforebirth #bunintheoven #pregnancy #knowyourchild #ninemonthsofpregnancy

Like this story? 

You may like these about my childhood and my mother.

Ammini Amma - Chapter 1 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

or 

The Chronicles of the youngest Child - Part 2 - Amma goes missing

or maybe another genre altogether - Motivation and urbanwalks

Urban Walk Brussels 7th Dec 2025 - Johan De Vits - #urbanwalk #walkingtours

Aditi - the Hopeful singer - the Audition

 

Aditi was taking a shower when something that had happened that morning came to her mind. Dropping her daughter off at school and seeing her smiling face as she waved goodbye to her had filled her with joy. So much joy that, from nowhere, a tune had emerged, a tune she didn’t recognise as part of her regular repertoire.

It was a song Aditi had last sung in an audition five years ago. As she dried herself off with her bath towel, she remembered the day she had travelled to Mumbai on a whim after seeing an advertisement in the local newspaper for a singing competition.

She had borrowed money from a couple of friends. She didn’t have any trendy clothes, so she had stolen her elder brother’s sunglasses and his long-sleeved denim shirt to wear over her outfit for the audition. Her brother was out of town, and she had told her mother she was going to the movies with a classmate.

She smiled as she looked in the mirror and the past and remembered all her lies. Looking back at her mischief, everything had seemed harmless. But she knew she had been lucky. Going to the big city without anyone to travel with her; let alone help her find the production house and arrive on time, had been a crazy idea.

She had been known as the “Nightingale of her school.” Wearing the image of that crown proudly in her head, Aditi had gathered all the courage she possessed and gone for that audition. She had reached the compound of the TV channel, Excelsior. She saw the long line that had already formed, stretching around the building to the entrance. She asked for help and was directed to the end of the line. Just reaching this audition had cost her a lot of time & energy.

Now as she tidied up the mess of the morning’s chaos in the kitchen, the aftermath of breakfast and her husband’s and daughter’s rush to office and school, she remembered the time when she was about to enter the main building for her audition. She had freshened up using a handkerchief and some water from the bottle in her bag. She was sure she looked presentable.

But when she reached the counter to go in, the person in charge sitting at a desk asked her to fill out a participation form. When she bent down to write her details, the person said rudely, “Haven’t you had a bath?”. How was she to know that Aditi had travelled for more than four hours in the heat and had nowhere to take another shower?. Highly embarrassed and with a feeling of dread she handed in her form. Aditi felt in her gut that the person in charge wasn’t going to allow her in.

The participants were now waiting in an air-conditioned room, but many people who looked clean and less tired were being called in for auditions. Aditi knew she'd be rejected in that room along with many others without even being given a chance to sing.

She started crying as she was asked to leave. Then, to her own surprise, a tune rose from inside her, the exact tune she had found herself singing in the bathroom that morning. Her melodious voice rose above the sound of the air conditioner and the murmur of other voices. As she walked out singing, one of the judges of the show happened to pass her. Aditi suddenly found herself being asked to follow the official. Soon a small production team was organised. They helped her freshen up, did her makeup and hair, and within the next hour she was auditioning for the show in front of the famous judges.

This morning as she cleaned her kitchen, Aditi remembered that moment. She glanced at the award on the shelf across the room that she had received for winning that competition after going through that audition and several others.Though she wasn’t the huge megastar she had once dreamed of becoming, thanks to that leap of faith and courage, she was living a comfortable life in the city, with a decent income, and the troubles of poverty & village life were far behind her.

#judgements #jobsearch #auditions #beingjudged #poverty #fame #audition

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La vie en Belgique en tant qu'étranger - Plus de secrets !

 

Village de pêcheurs à Malte

Quand je suis arrivée à Bruxelles, j'avais 24 ans. Je pensais donc bien connaître le monde et avoir déjà une certaine expérience professionnelle. Cependant, épouser un Belge en Inde et vivre là-bas a été une expérience radicalement différente de mes premières années en Belgique. Rien n'aurait pu me préparer au choc culturel qui m'attendait. Lui et sa famille étaient tous francophones. Je n'avais jamais appris le français, ni enfant ni à l'école. Même à l'université, le français était proposé, mais je n'aurais jamais imaginé avoir un jour l'utilité de cette langue.

En arrivant à Bruxelles, j'ai réalisé que malgré son statut de ville internationale et de plaque tournante de l'Europe, peu de gens parlaient anglais dans la rue. Ayant du temps libre, je me suis inscrite à des cours de français en quelques jours. C'était un excellent moyen de rencontrer du monde et de me faire des amis. C'était réconfortant de voir que d'autres, comme moi, avaient du mal à s'adapter à ce nouvel environnement. Que d'autres, comme moi, devaient tout recommencer pour se faire des amis et apprendre les coutumes d'un nouveau pays.

Avec le recul, ma jeunesse m'a vraiment été utile. Je n'ai pas trouvé l'apprentissage du français difficile. Je parlais anglais avec mon mari, alors je pratiquais mon français avec sa famille que nous rencontrions le week-end. J'écoutais attentivement, je répétais les phrases et j'essayais de comprendre. Le langage corporel est un outil formidable pour apprendre une nouvelle langue. Les encouragements, les marques d'approbation ou de désapprobation, et même l'impatience se lisent sur le visage de mes interlocuteurs. Il était fréquent de voir leurs yeux s'illuminer de surprise face à mes efforts linguistiques, un hochement de tête indiquant qu'ils commençaient à me comprendre, un froncement de sourcils si je prononçais mal un mot, ou un petit rire à cause d'une erreur de prononciation.

Souvent, j'abordais un sujet dès que je rencontrais un membre de la famille, et ils m'encourageaient par leur patience et leur intérêt. Mais, en Belgique comme partout ailleurs dans le monde, j'ai remarqué que les gens parlent en moyenne dix minutes lentement et patiemment dans un cadre informel. Ils se mirent alors rapidement à parler à leur rythme habituel. Bien sûr, dans ces moments-là, je n'arrivais pas à suivre. Je me retrouvais à débattre intérieurement de ce qu'ils venaient de dire et du mot juste, ainsi que de l'ordre des mots, pour leur répondre. Du coup, le plus souvent, je parlais de choses déjà connues de tous. Ils me regardaient bizarrement, essayant de comprendre ce que je venais de prononcer. Ils n'imaginaient pas la difficulté que j'avais eue à articuler. J'entendais des questions, et puis, soudain, la personne qui me comprenait le mieux et connaissait mon niveau de langue se souvenait du sujet abordé quelques minutes plus tôt.

Au fil des mois et de mon année scolaire en français, j'ai commencé à progresser. Je parvenais à percevoir les liaisons entre les mots. Je pouvais me souvenir de mots difficiles et même former des phrases plus complexes que les simples « je » et « moi ».

Un jour, je suis arrivée chez mes beaux-parents où toute la famille était réunie. Tandis qu'ils me saluaient et que chacun s'installait, j'ai déclaré haut et fort en français : « À partir d'aujourd'hui, il n'y aura plus de secrets ! »

Mon beau-père a souri et a dit : « Oh, quelle fille intelligente ! »

P.-S. : J'encourage tout le monde à continuer d'apprendre des langues. C'est un excellent moyen de comprendre une autre culture et de s'intégrer pleinement à une nouvelle société. Si vous les comprenez bien, il y a de fortes chances qu'ils vous comprennent bien.

#multilingue #memoirs #histoiresdenfance #étrangereneurope #vivreenbelgique

Lisez cette histoire en anglais ici

Life in Belgium as a foreigner - No More Secrets!

ou d'autres histoires en français ici 

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Un événement XXXl pour un Ironman et un super triathlète – Sébastien Morineau

Rajshekar - The Young and Asleep - Chapter 7 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

Raj opened his eyes after nine days of being in a coma. His appendix had burst almost immediately as they had cut him open. The doctors told him later about what a mess it had created on the operating table. They also realised that Raj's life had been saved by a ridiculously fine margin. Even after the operation Raj was in a really critical condition. The school had contacted his local guardian, his uncle and a telegram was sent immediately to his family back in Mumbai.

Raj's dad Ramchandra had managed to take leave and was sitting by the bed when Raj surfaced from the coma. Raj saw that Daddy looked worried and relieved at the same time. Raj looked weaker than ever. He closed his eyes again as he was already exhausted and fell into a deep sleep. Daddy knew that Raj would need to rest for at least two weeks before he was hopefully fit again. 

As he sat there Daddy felt upset and a little guilty looking down at his son and thinking of how the little boy had had to face all this alone. He felt his chest tighten at these thoughts and noticed he was clenching his jaw. He remembered an old prayer that his mother used to sing and found himself relaxing as he remembered her voice. But years of having to make several big decisions for his entire family involving his widowed mother, the education and lives of his seven siblings and even the family land and livestock had meant that Daddy knew the decision he would have to make even as his son was still recovering. 

Ramchandra battled with the idea of taking his son back to Mumbai for a month due to his sickness and the fear that Raj would probably never want to go back to school here in Bangalore. He then calmed himself again and reminded himself of the long journey through life that he had managed to face all on his own. He would be able to convince his son after his convalescence. Raj was a really good boy and Ramchandra knew he'd never question his parents' decisions. Deep down he also knew that he could never have been able to provide his son with as good an environment for learning and growth as that which was available in the school. He also had a great deal of faith both in God and his own abilities to convince his son.

He drew his fingers through Raj's hair and rubbed his head gently. Softly he started to sing his mother's prayer aloud for Raj to hear.

#oldestson #boardingschoollife #boardingschool #hostellife

Like this story 

Read the other chapters here 
 

Rajshekar - The Young and Brave - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and 

Rajshekar - The Young and Clever - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and

Rajshekar - The Young and Lucky - Chapter 3 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and 

Rajshekar - The Young and Diplomatic - Chapter 4 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and 

Rajshekar - The Young and Understanding - Chapter 5 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and 

Rajshekar - The Young and Fragile - Chapter 6 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

Rajshekar - The Young and Fragile - Chapter 6 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

Raj was back to boarding school in Bangalore for the second year. He had had a good vacation at home but he hadn't managed to convince his parents to let him return to Mumbai and stay with them for good. 

Many of the other children in his hostel also came from financially challenged backgrounds and they seemed to find solace in each other's companies. However Raj had a strange accent that remained stuck to him from his years in London where his father was earlier posted. Sometimes that seemed to form a barrier between him and his friends.

He sometimes found more friendship in the books in the library. One afternoon as he was sitting and reading a thick, hard-covered science journal, he felt a sudden strong pain in his tummy. It was so acute that immediately he was sweating all over and he felt nauseous. He knew he needed help so walked to the main corridor in the huge library. He turned right to look at the librarian sitting at his desk but in the meantime, he felt the ground under him give way. Before he knew it he had fainted.

Water was quickly sprinkled on his face. This woke him up from the unconscious state and he saw the librarian and his assistant looming over him. He realised he was lying on the floor in the big corridor in the library. 

The pain was now less acute but the librarian and assistant supported him as they helped him to the boarding school health clinic that was also in the huge compound of the Indian Military School. 

As the young doctor in the clinic saw them arriving carrying Raj he immediately tended to him. The librarian and assistant left and the doctor told Raj that he was to take the day off from school and any physical activities. He added that Raj was to tell his House Master that he needed to go to the hospital that was just within the compound and get a full check up done.

Raj felt much better now and the pain has subsided thanks to the medicine that the doctor had given him. He reached his room and lay down, falling asleep immediately. The moment he woke up it was already the end of the day. He went and spoke to the matron in the hostel as the school was now closed and he couldn't meet the House Master. She had just come in for her shift and hadn't been informed about Raj's condition. She was rushed and didn't take the time to listen carefully to the 10 year old boy. She told him to go back to his room and wait for dinner time. He could speak to the House Master in the morning.

Raj went back to his room. He spent a quiet evening and didn't show much interest in the food in the cafeteria. He fell asleep exhausted and pulled himself out of bed the next morning. He'd never gotten any negative points for being late at assembly or for breakfast, so he really did what he could to be present on time. He hoped to meet Mr Sethi, the House Master who was responsible for his well being in school. But, at assembly Raj started feeling unwell again. He rested against a small wall that surrounded the main assembly ground. No one had noticed him, he thought. At that very moment the doctor from the day before spotted him sitting there. He was shocked to see Raj at the assembly. He ran to his side and took him personally to the hospital that was a few hundred metres away.

The scans showed that Raj needed to be immediately operated on. His appendix was abnormally large and swollen. Immediately young Raj was taken over by the hospital's staff and nurses. He didn't even know when he was prepared for the operation because things were moving so fast. He watched the overhead lights glare at him as he realised  he was falling asleep on the operating table.

#boardingschool #boardingschoollife #oldestson #hostellife

Like this story?

You may like the previous chapters if you missed it

Rajshekar - The Young and Brave - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and 

Rajshekar - The Young and Clever - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and

Rajshekar - The Young and Lucky - Chapter 3 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and 

Rajshekar - The Young and Diplomatic - Chapter 4 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and 

Rajshekar - The Young and Understanding - Chapter 5 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

Rajshekar - The Young and Understanding - Chapter 5 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

 

Raj was back in Bombay for the school vacations. Now that he was home, he found that he didn't want to step out of the house at all. He spent his days hanging around Amma. It seemed like he was building up the quota of time, attention and love exclusive to him and though he didn't know it then, he would use these memories as a balm when he returned to the boarding school.

 

Amma and Daddy were so happy with his exam results and the fact that he had learned swimming and horse riding made them sing high praises about his school. He had tried to tell them that he didn't care for those things and all he wanted was to be with them.

Though he was at home all the time, he realized that there was never time to be able to actually communicate his concerns to his parents. Amma was busy the whole day with housework or taking care of them. Daddy was not at home during the day and most evenings he was out earning extra money selling insurance. Both of them were grateful that Raj was getting a world class education at almost no cost since Daddy was an ex military man. Amma hadn't studied beyond the age of nine and she considered a good education a huge blessing for her first born.Daddy had started working at the age of 14 years himself to look after his widowed mother and his seven siblings, so practicality was more his style. And his responsibilities never seemed to have lightened. Settling down in Mumbai with three children was expensive enough, then there'd sometimes be a relative staying with them who'd also be looking for a job in Mumbai. No matter what, there was always some financial issue that they would have to keep hidden from their children.

But Raj had now grown up overnight. Living away from his family in a hostel had made him street smart and he read all the signs. He knew he was no longer a child and so he couldn't get himself to throw a tantrum and cry his heart out. He just kept everything inside.

All too soon, he found himself back on the train with Daddy for another year at boarding school. He was still hoping that during the train journey over the next two days he would be able to speak up and insist on coming back home during the mid-term vacation break.

#oldestson #thechroniclesoftheyoungestchild #largefamilies #financialdifficulties #boardingschool #boardingschoollife

Like this story?

You will love the previous chapters on Raj, my older brother.

Rajshekar - The Young and Brave - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and 

Rajshekar - The Young and Clever - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and

Rajshekar - The Young and Lucky - Chapter 3 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

and 

Rajshekar - The Young and Diplomatic - Chapter 4 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child