Wednesday, 1 April 2026

They say don't cry over spilled milk, yet I did - Chapter 15 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

 




In India, boiling milk is a routine task, often entrusted to whoever is at home. As a child, it feels like an easy responsibility, until you learn how quickly inattention can turn into an unforgettable mistake.  

One day when I was around 11 years old, my mother put the milk in a vessel to boil. It was time for her to leave with my father on her daily evening routine and did not want to wait till the milk had boiled. So she walked down from the third floor to the second in our building and met me at my friend's apartment and asked me to watch over the flame. I had an extra set of keys, and she told me she had set the burner on a very low flame and I would have to go and switch off the gas in about 15 minutes.

I was surprised that my Amma gave me those instructions because she usually never did such things. She was a fiercely independent woman and didn't like me touching much in her kitchen. I was happy that she actually gave me a task like that and promised to go home in 15 minutes. I got back to doing or playing whatever it was that I was doing just before she came and spoke to me. Obviously what shouldn't have happened did. I completely forgot that I was supposed to go home and switch off the gas. About more than an hour later, I suddenly remembered what I had promised to do. I felt physically sick, as I was very afraid of what my mother would do to me if she knew I had forgotten. But I had to give up that frightful thought with the next one that was equally horrifying. I needed to go upstairs and see what had happened to the milk. 

When I reached my home, the living room was filled with smoke. There was a horrible smell that filled my lungs as I rushed through the living room through the corridor and the inner room and finally reached the converted balcony kitchen and stared at the stove. There stood a black vessel because all the milk had evaporated and what remained was a black mess. I switched off the gas and stood there in petrified terror, thinking how and what I would do to rectify the problem. There were a lot of dark images, as dark as that pot that flashed through my head. My first instinct was to clean the pot. Luckily, I didn't go and pick it up with my hands. I somehow knew I would have to wait for it to cool down before trying to wash it.

Sometimes in life, we have these tiny moments of long thought that last a few seconds and these long minutes of time in which no thought seems to make any sense. They both exist at the same moment of time.  I remember waiting anxiously for the pot to cool, the dread of my Amma’s inevitable return bubbling in my mind. Just as the dark bubbles in the simmering pot continued.

#childhoodstories #childhoodmemories #childrensbooks #kidslife #memories #lifememories

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The pen is mightier than a sword -Chapter 14 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child


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Tuesday, 31 March 2026

The pen is mightier than a sword -Chapter 14 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child

 




My father had a little steel box filled with pens. I never knew why he kept those pens, because most of them did not have refills in them and could not be used. Also, even though we were not in the internet era and everyone used a pen or pencil to write, the number of pens in that box felt disproportionate to the needs of our family.

I must admit that the variety of pens made me go and open that box regularly. There were all kinds of pens, from ball pens to fountain pens that needed ink to be poured into them, and of all sizes. I think there was also a pen with refills of four colours that is still popular today. I found myself playing with them, examining them and finding new ways to entertain myself using them. I had many actual toys, unlike my older siblings when they were children, so I could not say I was short on playthings. However, I was so fascinated by these pens in a box that I invented a fun game to play with them.

I would go into the converted balcony room we had at home with the box. This room was adjacent to the living room and was now a closed space. A steel cupboard was here, and so was a door on which hung a leather blackboard. It was a supple kind of board that could be rolled away when unused.

I removed all the pens from the box, and they stepped out like students getting out of a school bus. The fountain pens looked solid and smart, and they had the allure of men wearing suits, so they became the boys in my class. The ball pens, when held backwards, looked like they had long, straight ponytails and, being smaller than the fountain pens, became the girls in my class.

I would position each student on a tile in the room. There was enough floor space to have one or two students on a tile. Once they all settled in, I became the teacher and spent the afternoon giving them lessons from my school books. Sometimes I even got my homework done while I played with the pens.

All the students in my class were happy and well behaved, and I noticed each one as I took attendance at the start of class.  After class, they got back onto the school bus, eager to return the next day. Who would say they were empty and void of life or use?

I often wonder about what we can learn from what we collect and hoard? What do these things tell us about ourselves or what we lack? I think my father’s life, shaped by giving up his education at 14 to support his large family, made him cherish those pens.They were perhaps symbols of hope for him, maybe he planned to use them and give them purpose someday. Or perhaps they could represent him trying to fill himself up and pouring his all into everyone else’s pages of life. They could also simply be him saving every potentially useful object for a rainy day.


My father did not collect many kinds of things, but he did collect those empty pens. His dream for an ideal future using them and my use of them while dreaming about my future coexisted in that little steel box. Those were our pens of hope.


#hoarders #hoarding #uselessstuff #pencollection #

Like this story? You may like these from the earlier Chronicles




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Friday, 27 March 2026

Lekha - 6 months in - Chapter 3 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child


 

The house is abuzz with excitement. It's my cousin Nirmala's wedding day. Nirmala or Nimi Chechi as we call her, has lived with us since sometime. Her mother is my father's sister.  It's early morning and the women present at home are all getting her ready.  Amma and Nimi Chechi's mother are busy doing her hair and my elder sister Latha is trying to get included in the bridal make-up troupe. Long strands of Mogra flowers are being pinned on Nimi's hair. The fragrance of the flowers is overpowering and it has filled the house.


Nimi Chechi finally steps out into the living room where I'm sitting on my brother Raj's lap. She is a very beautiful young lady and her bridal attire accentuates her beauty. I suspect that she's nervous, after all, it's her big day! Since she now has a government job in the Indian Railways, she has bought herself a really pretty saree. Her mother and my mother would probably have not spent that kind of money on a garment. But they were both women who had never had a job and so deep down they are proud that she is able to pamper herself. Even though it's just family members, the room is crowded. Everyone's restlessness seems to suggest that we must leave to reach the wedding hall soon. 


I'm now 6 months old. I've been growing slowly, but food is still not my friend. During her pregnancy my mother was unwell and I generally can't still keep food down. But even though I'm tiny, I can grip everything with both hands and have been given some sort of rattle to hold. I delightfully drop it to the floor again and again. That's just me keeping my brothers busy. We all go down to the bottom of the apartment building where a car has been arranged for the bride to be driven in. There is no decoration on the car and everyone who can fit in gets in without asking if they should or can. I find myself in the car and am in my Amma's arms. 


When we reach the wedding hall, I'm constantly carried. Like in all Indian weddings, everyone's worn their Sunday best. I know that because I get passed around into the arms of many people. I'm hardly able to keep track of what's going on. All this travel and movement between so many people have me exhausted and hungry. I'm quickly handed back to my Amma. She feeds me and holds me for sometime. I hear the 'kuravas' high-pitched, vibrating sounds made by the women during the 'muhurtam'(auspicious time) of the marriage. It's now official, my cousin is married. 


There is lunch after the wedding. It is a 'sadhya' or a feast, where several kinds of special foods are served to the guests on a banana leaf.  At this lunch, I get to be on the centre stage as my father places me on his lap and sits in front of a lighted lamp. He feeds me my first morsel of mashed rice mixed with ghee.This is my 'choru unnal', or rice-eating, where a baby is introduced to solid food, specifically rice, for the first time. Everyone gathers around to see me and bless me. I guess their blessings are what go on to keep me alive despite the months of weakness and not keeping down milk. From my little eyes, I find all this concern very amusing because unlike the grown ups around me, I know I'm here to stay. I can feel a sense of belonging in this large family who for some reason think of me as a special child. As the youngest chiId in my generation, I can tell that I am going to be the baby of the family for a long time to come.






Like this story?


You may like the first two chapters here or one completely unlike these


Lekha - Before I knew me - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child


or 


or 

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Wednesday, 25 March 2026

Lekha - My New Home - Chapter 2 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child




 


It's a hot day. The breeze is entering through the window to my left and I can hear my Amma busy in her little converted balcony kitchen cooking the mid-day meal. The aromas interest me ever so slightly. I just want milk still. I've just been fed and so I feel only the slight movement of the cradle when I move and the wind which is coming in through the window. 


I'm now a couple of months old. I lay enveloped in a loose swaddle cloth in a cradle custom-made by my Amma's blue saree. When I open my eyes, I can see the two ends of the saree that envelop me pass through a ring on the white ceiling. No one else seems to be in the house.


I've been enjoying getting to know my Daddy and my siblings. I have an older sister and two older brothers. My brother Raj has just finished his exams at boarding school and is back home on vacation. He's fourteen years old and is a handsome young man. He was informed about my arrival through a letter and he seems happy to see me or maybe he's just happy that he's back home. My sister Latha thinks of me as one of her dolls. She carts me around and tries to feed me. My brother Venu is next in line. He is very mischievous and Amma usually tells him to go play in the other room, scared that he may hurt me without wanting to.


My Daddy is the sweetest. He coos each time he picks me up. His words and warmth before leaving for work, during his lunch break and after work all signal the same thing to me. Adoration & Love. 


But my Amma, I can’t talk about enough! She’s like an extension of me. Her skin is the softest as she holds me against her. Her face and smile are what I want and need constantly and all the distractions the others offer while she is constantly busy don't satisfy my hunger to be held by her.


I have decided I like this place and its people. The adults around me seem to think I will be gone soon as my Amma was very unwell when I was in her tummy and they worry because I can't keep any food down for any length of time.  I heard someone saying I was not even 2 kgs at birth. They say I am all skin and bones and am very weak. 


I hear all of it and still decide to think of this as my home. 




#olderparents #thechroniclesoftheyoungestchild #motherslove #unconditionallove

Like this story? You may like the first chapter hereunder too


Lekha - Before I knew me - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child


or maybe a story about my childhood


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Monday, 23 March 2026

Lekha - Before I knew me - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child


 

Oh, it's warm here. All I need to do is sleep, eat and enjoy the state of bliss and perfection that my little world offers. I can hear sounds all the time. The connection I feel with everything that surrounds me is unreal. It's like being in a huge space but existing only here. I find myself cradled, moving with this liquid in which I swim as it makes noises. 


I sense there is a bigger me beyond this pool. We seem to be moving together most of the time. Oh, too much movement! I want my bigger self to be silent. I want to connect. Now seems like a good moment. Now is when I shall be able to reach out somehow. 


I've started to tune into the different sounds my bigger self makes. One voice stands out the most. I like this voice. I try to voice out but nothing. Ok, I moved instead apparently. I can hear a soft 'dahdad' right now. Unsure if it's my own or that of my carrier? I find myself caressed by that soft sound.


I remain in this state,  but now I am starting to find it hard to move about. I'm getting bigger each day. I sense activity outside and try to reach the energies that are pulling me to this outside world. But why do they want me to be with them? I'm good and fine here.


Oh, I can now hear the 'dahdad' really clearly. That sound matches the one inside me. I guess it's some sort of connection to the voice I know the most? But why don't I have a voice yet? Let me move these tiny forms I seem to be connected with. Oh, I felt an obstruction now. And the voice too. That's funny. Let's do that again. Oh, now the voice doesn't sound so pleased.


Strange, strange, I find myself turning upside down. I don't like being with my head downwards, why is this happening? It's impossible to go back to where I was before! Why are things changing? There is hardly any space here anymore. 


My home feels like it's being destroyed! And I'm the one doing it! Well, I don't want to move out. But all this pressure around me is making it hard to do anything else. All I know is that I'm moving downwards and I like and don't like it at the same time. The voice I know seems to really not like my antics too. It's been exhausting for me, yes, but the voice is also sounding like it doesn't approve. 


Oh, now the voice is really cross and very loud and it's making me very uncomfortable. I  really want to be out of here. But, no I don't. But I do, it seems. I feel a strong pull and huge push. I feel cold and these tiny things that I have been squeezing tight suddenly open and allow me to see. I know I'm not swimming now and I suddenly know what it is to be frightened. From somewhere in my being a loud cry comes forth. I feel like I am being moved through the air until at last I feel warm again as something gets put around me and then I find myself lying on my carrier. Yes, that's her, I smell her. How do I know this?! We both are exhausted and we sleep.


A little later, I hear lots of voices. They all seem to be connected to me. I feel a pokey surface brush against me. I hear the words "Cute, small, beautiful , fragile" I hear "I'm your Daddy". I feel a lot of forms touching me. 


A huge cry once again emerges from within me as I feel a strange and primal sensation take over the middle of my being. I will soon learn to recognise it as hunger. I get taken back to the familiar feel and smell of my carrier and I start to search for something. A part of me desperately starts to explore the skin against which I have been placed. I am only satisfied when I feel a hot liquid enter my body. Yes, I now know my connection to this larger body and hear the voice I am so familiar with by now say "Hello, little one, I'm your Amma". This feels so right.


#beforebirth #bunintheoven #pregnancy #knowyourchild #ninemonthsofpregnancy


Like this story? 


You may like these about my childhood and my mother.


Ammini Amma - Chapter 1 - The Chronicles of the Youngest Child


or 


or maybe another genre altogether - Motivation and urbanwalks




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