 |
| Vineeta & her mother Shreedevi |
For this tribute to the mothers in my large extended family...I asked Vineeta to speak about her mother Shreedevi, who's 89 now. Shreedevi is also known to the rest of us as Ammai or C-Ammai or Seeperamma. She is the oldest living member of my father's family now and in someway is our Matriarch, digitally connected to all of us. She takes hours of her day to type individually to everyone. She has the funniest ways of talking and looks like a film star most of the time with her lovely sarees and dark glasses and two phones. Connection & Communication is the lifeline of our family. I tried in the early 2000s to tell my father to learn to get more connected digitally, but he wasn't the biggest fan. I'm genuinely happy at least the older women are so so savvy. They keep our family together and connected. Below is the beautiful text that Vineeta wrote for her mother.
My fondest memory of my mother is sitting with her on the veranda of Block O1 Vallabhnagar when I may have been 5 or 6 years old. We would grind the urad dal and rice mixture for idli and dosa on the very large stone mortar pestle. Amma would sing songs in her beautiful voice and with her usual musical knowledge and I would follow along. I learnt a lot of lyrics of old Hindi movie songs that way. In a way she taught me singing, the subtle nuances/phrases of a different language, how to grind dough, patience and the most important of all, the ability of gifting oneself happiness through song, poetry and reflection.
Four qualities I love about her are one, the ability to advocate for herself in any situation. She argues with me, her sister, the doctor or anyone if she has a point to make. Another quality is her persistence with any belief, thought, desire, wish or task. She does not give up her goals easily, no matter how many times I explain that they may be impractical or unattainable. Thirdly, Amma has street smarts that sometimes surprises me. She quickly recognizes conmen, false gurus or prophets or anyone trying to pull a fast one over her. At the same time, she is generous to a fault and is always wanting to help some person or other.
Amma had an intrinsic distrust of men. Even though she loved her brothers and nephews, she avoided all the men at her work, in her many activities and in the extended family. She always said that men would love to bomb us to get close and then invariably do us harm. I never paid it much mind; I thought it was just her way to tell me to choose an arranged marriage. But now that I read feminist literature, a lot of what she said is actually the feminist thought: That women should earn their own living even when working with young children is tough and guilt inducing. That women should help other women so everyone benefits. She lived this by co-signing loans from the employee co-ops for some of her juniors, ladies who were new to Mumbai and needed a place to stay. Also, women should dress for themselves, entertain themselves and be self-sufficient. She would take me to picnics with her female friends at work.
So, I acknowledge that my feminist thinking and ideas do come from her. I understand her better now. Maybe, I should say I understand where she is coming from, her annoyances, her frustrations and her feelings of not being able to meet all her goals. Amma has her own delusions and made-up ideas but she did deserve to have a chance to try them and fail or succeed. Instead husband, children, circumstances kept her from stepping out to try her hand at music or singing or performing etc.
My gift to my mother would be time. Time to pursue her interests, her music, her songs and her many religious and other goals. Time to relive her younger days and places. And a pain-free/ suffering-free transition to her next life.
Like this story? Consider supporting me by
You may also like to read the other tributes here or one of my old poems for my own mother.
Mother's Day family compilation- tribute 1 - Latha on Ammini Warrior
or
No comments:
Post a Comment